Sawyer's Birth

Mitch and I woke up on November 6^th, 2015 and dropped the dogs off at my mom's before going to Virg's, a diner, for breakfast. We sat through breakfast thinking about how weird it would be that it was hopefully the last day of our lives before being parents.  I was nervous and excited, and I think Mitch was still wondering what life would be like had we never gotten pregnant.  He’d never thought he wanted kids, but here we were, about to welcome our child into the world.  I had my first membrane sweep appointment at 11am. At the appointment I found out I was dilated to 5cm and 85% effaced. My midwives had me drink some cotton root bark to speed things up. After the sweep we saw Mitch's grandpa in parking lot. Sawyer wouldn’t be his first great-grandchild, but the first one close enough to him that he would get to see grow up.  He was over the moon, and it showed by him showing up at the birth center to see how things went.

               Afterward, Mitch and I went to the mall and wandered around and I had begun getting contractions, although they were still mild and spaced apart too much to really make note of so we then went to my mom's house. We only stayed for a little bit, to check on our dogs since we had dropped them off at her house from that day until we were ready to go home with our new baby, and to fill her in on what all was going on. 

               We had the next sweep at 3:30. I had dilated to 5.5cm but was stretchable to 7cm and 85-90% effaced since the last sweep. I got more cotton root bark, which is nasty, by the way.  I hadn’t had an alcoholic beverage in months but I knocked it back like a shot and it went down easy. 

               We saw Mitch's grandpa, his mom, Brandy, and sister, Charlie in parking lot.  After filling them in on my progress Mitch’s mom took us to an early dinner at Red Mermaid Bistro where Mitch’s brothers, Nathan and Ryan, met us. My contractions were still irregular and spaced too far apart to get excited about, but they were becoming more noticeable at this point. The whole day felt exciting, even though everything we were doing was completely normal.  After dinner Mitch and I went to Barnes and Noble since I was close to finishing the book I was reading and knew I wouldn’t have time after having Sawyer to go browse a bookstore but would want more books.   We sat and talked and read and drank coffee to kill time until my final sweep at 8pm. I had dilated to 8cm. My membranes couldn't be swept again since there was nothing left to sweep so I got more cotton root bark and was put on the breast pump to stimulate stronger and longer contractions. We were officially there until baby time. Contractions didn’t hurt at all and being dilated to 8cm I felt like the rest of labor would be a breeze – I was SO close!

We called and texted the family members we wanted to know and Jim, Brandy, Charlie, Ryan, Randy, Nathan, Faith, Lesa, Sierra, and Sky all showed up to wait in the waiting area. My doula Seanté and photographer Kelley also showed up. I bounced on my birth ball and Seanté and Mitch applied counter pressure during contractions. I also pumped to continue to stimulate contractions.  Seanté and Kelley spent their time taking pictures, applying counter pressure, and talking to one another and telling me stories of their children.  The contractions were starting to become uncomfortable and slightly painful, but still completely bearable.  When I was allowed into the tub the water felt amazing.  I love baths, and this bath was so deep! I immediately felt more comfortable and was able to laugh and talk as normal between contractions.

               After a few hours my midwives wanted to check my progress. I got out and had another vaginal exam only to find out that I had gone from 8cm to 7cm. The midwives suggested sending Kelley and Seanté away and just having Mitch with me for a while. They understand that if you’re not 100% comfortable with someone then your labor can stall and even regress.  The midwives and Mitch all agreed that they felt it would help my progress to send them away.  I agreed, because I have a tendency to want to be polite and put on a “hostess” role, and realized that I had done so over the last few hours.  Sending them away definitely helped me progress.  All of our family was downstairs, out of sight and mind and my midwives retreated to their office leaving Mitch and I alone in the birthing room to reestablish the feeling of intimacy and security.  Birth is such an intimate and vulnerable thing – and I needed to focus on the emotional connection to my partner and allow myself to become vulnerable.  We laid in bed and cuddled and talked for a while and it seemed to have done the trick because soon I was back in the bath and in active labor.

               I always assumed that active labor happens around 4cm for most women, since that’s when most hospitals will admit a woman – so having gotten to 8cm I felt like I had this whole childbirth thing in the bag.  Oh how wrong I was.  I had 'screaming' contractions for about 2 hours but the lip my cervix couldn't open over her head because she had a nuchal hand.  Google it.  Or don’t.  It’s basically when baby is in the birth canal and has their hand up by their head, causing the amount of space I needed to open up to be even greater to accommodate her hand.  We didn’t know that’s why she was temporarily stuck until after she had crowned and my midwives saw the hand. I wanted to die. I begged for death and even said I didn't care if she died too. I was unprepared to surrender to my body.  I was terrified of its power.  My contractions were all in my back, and so intense that I had a hard time breathing.  They started to stack on top of one another and I felt like I was in a SAW movie. I begged for a break that would last more than seconds.  Just a few minutes to catch my breath and prepare for the next contraction was all I wanted.  My midwives could tell that I was fighting my body, and I was afraid, so they offered me some nitrous oxide to help me calm down enough to breathe.  I gladly accepted it.  I didn’t feel any effect from it other than having to hold the mask to my face myself made me focus on breathing, which helped.  It did nothing for the pain. It was far and away the worst pain I had ever been through and the most intense thing I've put my body though.  Mitch kept trying to readjust his positioning, as he had been sitting in the tub behind me to help support me during contractions, and I wouldn’t let him.  In hindsight I can’t imagine being stuck in an awkward position for hours and not being allowed to move.  Poor guy. My midwives wanted me to push in the tub, and as I would push they would try to manually move the lip of my cervix over her head.  The pain was unbearable, although I was so glad to be pushing.  Pushing meant it was almost over, and I could help get it there.  It was way better than knowing I was in the most pain I’d ever felt and would have to continue to go through it for an unknown amount of time until my body and baby were ready to begin the pushing part of delivery.  There was an end in sight. 

               Eventually I was told to move out of the tub to the birth stool after pushing in the tub didn't do anything. The positioning on the birth stool would allow my pelvis to open more and give them more access to assist as needed. My midwives helped me over to it, and as Mitch stood up his legs gave out from being in one position for so long, and he fell onto one of the midwives and knocked the oxygen and nitrous tank over – although I didn’t know about it until afterwards. I started pushing on the stool, and was told to stop because her hand was by her face and I was about to tear pretty badly but I couldn't stop. My body no longer belonged to me.  I was no longer the pilot.  I felt no fear, just an instinctual urge to push so strong that I couldn’t think of anything other than pushing.  Minutes later she was in my arms. I had returned to my body. In that moment I was more overjoyed at the fact that I was done being in pain than I was to have my baby, but as I was moved to the bed to rest that feeling changed. I had done it.  She was here.  My perfect, squishy, warm baby was here.

               I had lost what I thought was a normal amount of blood during delivery.  Birth is messy, right? It’s normal to bleed enough to need more than one puppy training pad underneath me, right? Wrong. My midwives knew I lost a lot of blood, and since I had agreed to a Pitocin shot if needed after delivery they administered it.  I was still on the birth stool, Mitch was still supporting me from behind, and Sawyer was in my arms at the time of the shot.  Even with all I had been through at that moment I was still afraid of needles.  The fear never left. I drew strength from my baby to keep me calm while they gave me the shot in my left thigh.

               She was 9lbs., 2oz., and 23” tall.  Everyone had guessed she would have been 7 pounds and a few ounces, not only because I was a small baby, but I carried small.  Nobody guessed 9.  We let everyone that had stayed through the night come see her before I got stitched up, because after having her I was done with being in pain – and wanted to put being in any more pain off, so after about an hour of letting them see our baby we had them all step out so I could be stitched. My mom took Sawyer to the next room for us. Before being stitched I had to go pee, SO badly. Mitch and Amy, the midwife, helped me stand up from bed and started to walk with me to the bathroom. A few steps away from the bed I passed out and had a seizure. I felt like I was in a dream while seizing.  I knew I had started to pass out and they mentioned moving me to a chair behind me, but it felt like a dream.  I woke up to Mitch calling my name, with a worried look on his face.  I was put back to bed to rest after I answered a few basic questions to reestablish my level of consciousness. I was told to just wet the bed since I had to urinate, and that there were puppy pads on it, but I knew I couldn’t.  I had too much of a mental block to be able to. We tried to get me to the bathroom again a few minutes later and that time I didn't even get to the foot of the bed before passing out and seizing for the second time. I woke on lying sideways on the foot of the bed. It was then that we decided to call an ambulance to transport me to the hospital. I was delusional as the EMT’s carried me from the upstairs bedroom to the gurney waiting by the front door. I remember wanting them to know that I was also an EMT and had been carried in the sheet-like thing they used to carry me in, before – but I wanted them to know it wasn’t because I was accident prone or lonely and one of those people that calls 911 regularly, it was because I was one of them.  That’s how I know I was delusional.

               Mitch rode in the front of the ambulance and my mom drove my car with Sawyer.  They were the only two people that weren’t midwives left at the birth center – everyone else had gone home to get some rest after the 16 hour labor. Upon arrival at the hospital I had a glimpse of Brandy, Charlie, and Ryan running to catch up to the gurney - they had gone to breakfast when I had to be stitched up. Once in the labor and delivery room I only have flashes of memory. Sawyer was with my mom and Mitch’s family being evaluated in the NICU, though I just knew at the time that she was with my mom.  Later I found out that when the hospital had gotten a call about me coming in after just having my baby they had assumed that the baby would also need emergency care.  They were shocked at how big, pink, and healthy she was.  They put the newborn crash cart away.

               The doctors and nurses working on me wanted to give me fentanyl in my IV for the pain.  I refused and they asked why.    They seemed upset when I told them that fentanyl is what caused my dad to pass away almost nine years prior and asked how we could know.  Well, we won a lawsuit against Johnson and Johnson because of it, that’s how we know.  Later I found out the hospital staff was bad mouthing me and ridiculing my refusal to receive fentanyl out in the hallway – Mitch’s mom confronted them when she overheard and they shut right up.

               There were doctors and nurses grabbing my arms and legs for IV's and to check my bleeding and blood pressure and whatnot as I was screaming and crying. My body was not my own at this point. I have never felt more violated than when I had a nurse re-doing the IV that the EMT’s had placed in my right arm, another nurse was checking my blood pressure on the left arm, with a nurse right beside her to insert another IV as soon as she was done, in addition to the nurses and doctors spreading my legs and peering between them.  There was one female doctor, the male resident doctor, and a male student between my legs.  Mitch later described the scene as something he’d imagine would be in a torture porn video.  I was given morphine and Pitocin via my IV.  I was asking where Sawyer was and if she was okay, she was with family and doing well. My mom and Mitch took turns being with me, updating everyone, and being with Sawyer. I was asked by a nurse if I had a living will, and if I had any paperwork about a living will or DNR. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was a sign of how badly things were looking for me.  Mitch had picked up on it, but didn’t voice his concerns.  I was still able to answer and felt that it was standard practice to ask those things.  It wasn’t.  My blood pressure was about 70/40 – the lowest it had ever been. I was given an ultrasound to see if I had any clots or tissue left in my uterus, and I did.  They inserted the catheter, which was the least painful thing that I had been through in the past 24 hours.  Within minutes the bag full of my urine needed to be emptied and it needed to be emptied again within an hour.  I was amazed that I couldn’t feel myself peeing, and the nurse that emptied the first bag was amazed that I was able to hold so much urine.  The fact that I couldn’t just wet myself was the reason I landed in the hospital in the first place and the bumpy ambulance ride did nothing to help me pass the mental block and relieve myself.  The catheter had helped.

               Because of the clots still left inside of me I was given uterus massages every few minutes over the next two hours to push out the clots in my uterus. The pain was almost as bad as labor contractions, but I was so overwhelmed by everyone’s poking and prodding that I screamed and fought them.  I was screaming and crying the whole time. After a bit I was given Dilaudid and Ativan which helped with the anxiety I was feeling as the morphine wasn’t doing anything. I was defeated. I had no fight left in me. It took 45 minutes for the OB/GYN, resident Doctor, and student to stitch me up. I had a third degree tear. The OB/GYN had inspected me vaginally and rectally to make sure they didn’t miss anything and referred to my anus as “beefy” which made Mitch and I laugh for the first time that day. 

               After being stitched up there was one point where I told Mitch I needed my baby, so he left me alone to go get her. Five minutes had passed and he still hadn't returned with her. I called his cell phone, he didn't answer. I started to panic so I called my mom's cell phone, she didn't answer either. All I could think was that something had happened to Sawyer. I started having a breakdown when Mitch walked in. The nurses didn't want to let her in the room with me because she wasn't a patient. My mom fought them on it until she was in my arms. Eventually, after much negotiation, I was moved up to a Labor and Delivery recovery room. I told the doctors that I wouldn't stay if my baby couldn't stay with me, but their condition was that since she wasn't a patient I couldn't utilize the nurses or nursery for her and there had to be an adult over the age of 18 that wasn’t a patient (meaning me) with her around the clock.

               This made the evening difficult but we managed.  The whole night I had a nurse come in every two hours to reassess me. I was so glad that I hadn’t delivered Sawyer in the hospital – I couldn’t have handled all of the restrictions for longer than I had to.  My midwives treated me as if I were a person, and not just me, either.  They would talk directly to Mitch during appointments and ask if he had questions or concerns.  The hospital staff never did those things.  The nurses that were assigned to me throughout my overnight stay were pleasant, but still had their jobs to do and couldn’t give me a more personalized experience like my midwives had. 

               Even with how traumatic the experience was, I would do it all over again for my baby.  I had pushed myself further than I ever had before, and was able to see the true power of my body.  I had birthed my baby.

September

September was crazy!  

I got some maternity photos done by my longtime friend and amazing photographer, David Terry.  I honestly tear up every time I look at these photos.  It means so much to me to have a recent family photo and to have had the opportunity to document the last days of it just being Mitch, the dogs, and I.

Mitch and I took a babymoon trip to Long Beach, Washington.  It's become an annual thing for us to take the dogs to Long Beach.  I've never seen them happier than being able to run free and far in the sand chasing seagulls and playing in the waves.  I'm so glad we were able to go because it was the last trip that we took as a little family of four.  The 15 hour drive was easier than I thought it would be for me being 31 weeks pregnant.  Mitch did most of the driving, which helped. The hotel we stayed at had a wonderful restaurant so we were able to leave the dogs in the room for a few hours and have a romantic dinner together - I don't know if we've ever had such a nice dinner out together.   While we were there my brother in law proposed to his longtime girlfriend on their trip to Seattle.  I'm so excited to be gaining her as a sister-in-law, and I am so happy for them as a couple! I can't wait for their wedding this spring/summer. :)

Then Mitch and I moved out! We got the call saying we were approved for our apartment while we were in Long Beach. We now live in Herriman, which is SO far from everything - but cheap, and the apartment we live in is two bedrooms and two bathrooms with updated appliances, a washer and dryer, and vaulted ceilings.  It's wonderful not only having our own space but having a nursery for our little Soybean when she gets here.

After moving and our babymoon, we celebrated Mitch's 25th birthday at Oktoberfest.  This was our third year of celebrating his birthday at Oktoberfest and each year gets better and better.  Mitch drank over 1.5 gallons of beer - and was still able to walk himself to the car at the end!  I had about as much fun as he did, even though I couldn't drink.

At the end of the month I had the baby shower that his mom and sister hosted while Mitch went to Escalante with his cousin, Colby.  It was perfect.  They had it pumpkin themed and not only had the cutest decorations, but had the best desserts!  I am so sad that I didn't get pictures!  It was such a special experience getting to hear the parenting "fail" stories all of the moms that attended had, because it made me realize that no mom is perfect.  I didn't think that they were beforehand, but some of the stories I heard genuinely surprised me - and it made all of these women from different backgrounds with different parenting styles seem so much more relate-able to me.

Now we just finish getting the last few things we need for the baby and wait for her to arrive!  I'm one week away from being full term, so she's welcome to come anytime between the next 7 and 45 days.  I can't believe how fast time has flown, and am so absolutely terrified and excited to meet her. :)

August

August has been nothing but preparations and celebrations.

I had the Allen baby shower at my Grammy's house.  This is her first great-grandchild and she is over the moon excited!  She had just gotten back from a cruise through some fjords in northern Europe and had my aunt, Heather, and her three kids staying with her and still hosted the baby shower.  She made the best chicken salad sandwiches ever, and also had the yummiest vanilla and raspberry cake.  My aunt Candy did all of the decorations and she has a real talent for it.  It was a relatively small shower, my aunts and girl cousins on that side of the family were there and so was my Gramps's sister and my Grammy's sister in-law.  My little sister didn't show up.  She was busy being a butthole and refused to come - but she missed out.

I bought myself a mom-mobile.  A 2005 Mercury Mariner that I paid about $3,500 for.  It's in awesome condition and not only will fit Mitch, the dogs, a carseat, and myself, but it has air conditioning! AND it's quiet!  I can actually hear Mitch when we're talking in the car while driving!  We're taking it up to Long Beach, Washington this weekend for our baby-moon. :)

I have officially changed my last name to Smith, which feels really good.  I thought I would mourn my maiden name more since I liked it so much, but it's nice to have the same last name as my husband.  Bonus: I can now do cutesy wreaths and stuff that say "The Smiths" hahaha.

We've started seeing midwives at the birthing center that we're going to be delivering at and I have my final appointment with my OB/GYN tomorrow.  I love my OB/GYN but I do NOT want to deliver at the hospital I would deliver at if I stayed with her - and I want a natural birth so we are withdrawing care.  I've already learned so much from my midwives and I feel really comfortable at the birth center.  A lot of people think I'm nuts, but I really feel that this is the best decision for me and my family.

Mitch and I found a place to live and are just waiting to hear back about whether or not we're approved for the place.  It's not at all where we wanted to be originally, but the area is nice and the rent is cheaper so we're compromising. :)

We finally opened up his etsy shop, Strange Grain Woodworks!  We even made a sale! I'm so incredibly proud of him for pursuing this, and I LOVE that me spending countless hours on etsy has paid off because now I am able to run his etsy shop.  I just hope that we keep gaining momentum.

And I had the baby shower my mom hosted. I requested it to be book themed and she made the cutest appetizer menu to go with books.  For dinner we had a BBQ and I wanted to cry because the food was great but Sawyer was pressing on my stomach so I couldn't eat much.  My aunt Cherise and cousin Misha stayed with us for the weekend of the shower, and my grandparents had my godmother Carol and uncle Chuck stay with them so they all came to the shower, as did my sort of great-grandparents Shirley and Merlin, my cousin Audrey and her friend Lexi, and my immediate family plus Mitch.  It was very nice and relaxed. :)

Oh, and I turned 22! I almost forgot that one!  Mitch and I went and saw Straight Outta Compton, went to his work barbecue, and went to Red Lobster with my family. He got me some hammocks that I can't wait to test out and a 3D Ultrasound to see Sawyer.  Funny thing:  She's stubborn like me because we have our third re-do appointment tomorrow since she would NOT show her face to us the other three appointments and we tried everything, but she's just like her dad in the sense that she has absolutely no problem showing us that she is, in fact, a she. Ha!  We did get a glimpse of her nose and she totally has Mitch's nose, and a full head of hair.  Hopefully she cooperates tomorrow! :)

Allen Reunion Trip

I finally got around to writing my post about the Allen Reunion Trip through the Caribbean.  I was 19 weeks pregnant when I left on the trip and 20 when I returned.  Here goes:

We flew into Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and were all pretty exhausted.  My grandparents and uncle, Chad, were the only other ones who took the red-eye flight and flying through the night at 19 weeks pregnant was NOT fun.  I couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep, which is a common problem for me on planes, but adding pregnancy to that made it ten times harder.  Not to mention we were famished when we arrived in Florida, but didn't get the chance to eat because we went straight to the ship.  After the hours it took to get situated and on the ship, we ate, and then I slept until dinner and went right back to bed after dinner.  Travel is exhausting! 

Then we had a sea day and I slept most of the day away, waking up to eat, read, and lay out by the pool before falling back asleep.  

On the third day we were in Labadee, Haiti.  It is beautiful!  Haiti was honestly my favorite stop on the whole cruise, and we didn't even have food with our excursion!  The weather was 90 degrees Fahrenheit and humid, which made swimming in the ocean a million times more refreshing! I could have spent days on Malfini beach.  The excursion we took was limited to 25 people, so we had a really private experience.  A few memorable things happened.  The first is that my mom and I were swimming in the ocean while Sierra and Sky were on the beach, when we noticed that NOBODY else was in the water and instead everyone was on the shore pointing at something near us in the water.  If we were in a movie we would have been eaten by Jaws at that point - but instead kept swimming, ignoring the worried crowd, and later found out that there were rumors of someone seeing a barracuda near us.  The other memorable thing that happened was while I was sitting on the shore in a beach chair, with my toes in the sand and the water lapping at my ankles.  I was reading my Ina May book and out of nowhere I felt baby kick, hard.  It startled me and when I looked up to see if anyone else noticed (I know, my logic is flawed, but I was startled) I saw a butterfly circle around me.  It circled me a few times and then flew away, and Sky also saw it.  I felt really at peace in that moment.

Day four we were in Falmouth, Jamaica.  We took an excursion with all of the Allens (all 21 of us!) to Ocho Rios and went tubing down the White River.  Midway through tubing we stopped at a deep point in the river and many of us jumped off of the 15ft. platform into the water below, myself included despite pleas from some of the Allens to not endanger the baby that way.  I was fine and it was wonderful!  After tubing we went to the Dunns River Falls where I was told not to participate by the park owners because I was pregnant, so I sat out with my Grammy and Gramps for almost two hours in the heat under spider webs bigger than myself and spiders as big as my hand.  It was not the way I wanted to end my experience in Jamaica but I'm glad that I got to experience the tubing!

 Day five was spent in Grand Cayman.  This was one of my favorite excursions, and one I won't forget any time soon.  We took a boat to Stingray City, which is a sandbar in the middle of the ocean!  We waded into the chest-deep water where we got to feed, hold, and kiss these beautiful wild stingrays.  I loved that they weren't contained in a net or tank and were free to roam as they pleased but knew when it was feeding time and were comfortable with people.  One of my favorite memories of Stingray City was when I got to hold a baby stingray and he cuddled with my belly, laying completely calm and still.. until they brought out the squid for feeding time, but who could blame him!  We also got probably my favorite picture of all time with my siblings:

Day six was spent in Cozumel, Mexico.  It was probably the biggest disappointment of the trip.  We showed up to check in for our excursion, which was snorkeling and Playa Mia park, only to find out that I would not be allowed because I was pregnant - even though there was no disclaimer on the internet when we booked the excursion.  Instead I got switched to do just Playa Mia, while my mom took Sierra and Sky to the original snorkel excursion.  At the beach (Playa Mia) I bumped into Tommy and his family and Heather and her kids.  One of the first things they asked was if I was going to get into the water immediately, or wait a while.  I said I'd probably read a bit first but little did I know that would get me stuck watching their belongings for over an hour.. alone.  Then when they came back they asked what my plans were and I said I wasn't sure, and didn't really have a plan, I'd probably read, get a drink, and dip in the ocean on occasion.  Tommy then asked if after getting a drink if I would watch their things while he walked his kids to the waterslide, if he was back in 15 minutes, tops.  They came back over 30 minutes later.  Then my mom and siblings showed up and I was finally able to eat! The buffet had delicious pulled pork for their fajitas and I felt much better after eating!  I was able to take a dip in the ocean with my mom after eating, while Sierra and Sky did the obstacle course, and then they had to leave with their excursion so I was alone again.  I didn't really get any pictures in Cozumel, which is a bummer, but it was my second time there in this calendar year so I wasn't too upset about that.  Back in town I bought a traditional Mexican dress and bracelet for baby girl. :)  After dinner my mom and I met up with some of the Allens to see the cruise performance of "Once Upon A Time." One of the singers was god awful, but the rest were great!  It was only an hour from start to finish but it was a cute performance.

The next day was a sea day.  I did the "Walk for Wishes" with my mom, Heather, and Candy, which is a charity walk around the jogging path on the ship for the Make A Wish foundation.  I spent the majority of the day reading and listening to music while laying out, and then watched the movie Cinderella, under the stars with my mom.

The next day was Father's Day and we went to the Florida Everglades with the most of the Allens.  Tommy and his family decided they didn't want to see it again so they went up to Universal Studios early.  It was HOT and pretty miserable while we were waiting for our airboat tour.  However, we saw four alligators and got to spend the day with family which was really nice.  I even got to hold a baby gator!

After the Everglade tour, we said goodbye to the Allens and drove up to Sanibel Island, Florida.  It was a beautiful place!  I didn't keep track of what we did day to day because it was what you would expect: play on the beach, explore the island, and eat.  I hit the halfway mark in pregnancy (20 weeks) and was feeling wonderful!  The ocean was bathwater warm, probably the warmest waters I've ever been in, and full of live sand dollars!  My mom and I were able to sneak away for lunch together one of the days, just the two of us, which was wonderful.  By the end of the few days spent in Sanibel I was ready to be home.  It's difficult to spend 10 days with no private space with my siblings, especially when they had no patience for the difficulties I had with being pregnant and present - but it was a trip I will cherish forever because it was the last trip with us as just a family of four out of the country.

And there you have it!  I can't wait for the opportunity to go back to Haiti, and will not miss Jamaica.  Although, writing this post has me missing the ocean and beach!

Quick Catch Up: July

I am so awful at blogging! I just feel like nothing terribly eventful has happened, even though when I look back there are quite a few interesting things to talk about!  At our 19 week anatomy scan we got confirmation that she is indeed a she, and she happens to be measuring a few days early (October 31st) which is the day I would LOVE to have her! I don't know why but I have a strange obsession with Halloween and holidays in general.  After the anatomy scan I went on the Allen family reunion cruise, which will be a separate blog post (with photos) so that I can dedicate more time to writing about the places we stopped.  Last week we announced that we're having a girl on social media, but are keeping her name under wraps from the general public for now.

On July 2nd I was a bridesmaid for Mitch's cousin, Brittany's wedding.  They were born two days apart so they were close growing up and then drifted after high-school.  The wedding was beautiful and so much fun!  She looked amazing, and I am so honored to have been a part of the celebration! Not to mention the fact that Mitch and I both had to dress up! :)

For the Fourth of July I baked a blueberry cream pie, and some apple pie pillsbury bites.  One of my favorite things about holidays is the food.. and it's even more exciting to have holiday food while pregnant since that's all I ever think about! ;)

This last photo is from 23 weeks. I am officially starting to lose my toes, and standing up from sitting on flat ground with nothing to help push myself off from or pull myself up to is quite the challenge.  I have been loving 7-11 rewards week and have been getting a slurpee and free mini doughnuts daily.  Baby girl is playing water polo in her womb any time that I sit still and relax - which for the most part is my favorite thing, but in the middle of the night the kicks to my bladder can be a bit tiresome. Just over 3 months until we get to meet her!  I can't wait to have a place of our own so that I can get her nursery going.  It's driving me nuts to not have her clothes organized and start decorating!  August will be a big month for that, along with us getting me a new family car.. and two baby showers!

More later. :)

We FINALLY announced!

17 weeks!

17 weeks down, 23 to go.  My baby bump is starting to pop a little more each day, though! The photo on the left is at 12 weeks and the photo on the right is of me tonight at 17 weeks, 3 days. I should start to feel her within the next five weeks, which is very exciting! I just feel like time is dragging. Less than two weeks until we have a big friend trip to Moab, and our anatomy scan where I get to find out how she's cookin' and see her swimming around! I can't wait!

However, I want to cry nearly every day because I feel like I've lost my girlfriends.  I had one, whom I considered my best friend, who has made no effort to talk to me or let me know when she's in town so we can grab a quick bite to eat and catch up.  It hurts.  I haven't seen her since I told her I was pregnant, which was about 11 weeks ago.  I know I'm not the only one that's lost friends when pregnant, especially if they were the first in their group of friends to have a baby, but I was not expecting this.  If this happened to you, how did you cope?

Aside from that, I've been loving pregnancy! It's amazing to see my body transform and know that it's sustaining and growing life.  My symptoms have been mild thus far, and I hope it continues that way!

It's A...

GIRL!!

For Mother's Day, Mitch booked an appointment at a local boutique ultrasound clinic for an early gender determination ultrasound since my doctor won't do our anatomy scan until 20 weeks.  It was the neatest experience being able to see our little girl yawn, stretch, and wiggle around inside of me!  We're definitely going back soon to get an ultrasound on video because we regret not adding that to the package.  And to add to the Mother's Day excitement, and/or to get us back from pushing on my belly so she'd move her legs and let us see the goods, I felt her move on Monday night!  At 15 weeks exactly she was swimming around like a little fish! Mitch poked my tummy yesterday and she kicked back, hard. It was amazing and crazy all at once! I can't wait for him to be able to feel her.  As I write this she's wriggling around, a night owl just like her mama. :) We are beyond excited to be having a little girl - even though Mitch totally feels out of his element.  We're in for the ride of our lives, and I can't wait!

Hello 2nd Trimester!

I have a bump! It only took until the second trimester, but there is no doubt my belly is changing!

Week 13 was pretty easy! Aside from more headaches and occasional dizziness I feel pretty good! I still sleep 1-2 more hours per night but am now feeling rested throughout the day.  Only one more week until we find out the gender! I can't believe that baby is the size of a lemon and I still can't feel him or her wiggling around in there.  Soon, enough, right?  As far as the gender goes, Mitch votes boy and I vote girl - and the anticipation is killing me!

Mitch and I bought a crib over the weekend.  It was a $15 D.I. score that still passes safety laws/regulations/recommendations and just needs a good sanding and re-staining.  I'm happy because it will be sturdy and safe, and Mitch is happy because he gets to sand and stain the crib to his liking.  He also went with me to the baby store and we picked out a car seat, breast pump, stroller, and have our eyes on a recliner.  He did really well at the baby store, I was very impressed!

In other news, we have figured out what car we're going to get next as my mom-mobile! We just have to wait for a good deal. :) Now we just have to figure out where we're going to live.

I feel so lucky to have had a relatively easy pregnancy so far, and really hope it just keeps getting better!  Only 6 more months!

12 weeks

Week 12 has been pretty good so far!  On Tuesday I woke up with NO nausea and felt awake and refreshed!  Mitch and I went for a 1 1/2 mile walk with the dogs in the evening and finally decided on a name if the little Squirt is a girl, since I started to love the name we had previously chosen less and less.  Now we just have to wait about 2 and a half weeks and then we get to know if I'm right and we're having a girl, or if he's right and we're having a boy.  However, we aren't going to reveal the gender until we get the official word from our 20 week ultrasound.

Yesterday I woke up feeling pretty great again, although sore from our walk the night before.  When Mitch got off of work we went to dinner and then went bowling with some friends.  I felt great! Until I ate a slice of cheap bowling alley pizza.  It has not settled well and I have been feeling awful since last night but that's just because I still have a sensitive stomach.  That being said I have not felt nauseous at all! I still call that a win!

I'm really hoping that I've reached the turning point in pregnancy where I will have my energy back (for a limited time only!) and be able to get through the day without nausea.

Still no bump, and to my knowledge no weight gain. I'm jealous of the cute bumps of the moms in the internet groups for November babies that I'm in, but this just means I will get to wear my clothes from last summer for longer - which will save some money! :)

11 Weeks

I started the first trimester feeling absolutely normal.  I had NO idea I was pregnant as far as symptoms are concerned.  I was 5 weeks and a handful of days when we found out that I'm pregnant.  Everyone had told me how unusual it was not to have any symptoms, aside from the cramping I felt on occasion, and that I should have morning sickness.  One family member even said "the only time I didn't get morning sickness is when I miscarried." Gee, thanks!  As time went on and I joined more November baby forums online I realized that it was unusual.  My doctor assured me that it was uncommon but still within the realm of normal at my 8 week appointment, so I stopped worrying.  Then I got the flu from a sick family member during Easter and it developed into a cough after a few days of rough flu symptoms. A cough I am still trying to shake, a week later.  And that nausea that you feel when you get the flu? That never left.  Week 10 hit me, and although I'm not cuddling a toilet or garbage can like many pregnant ladies - I can't really eat.  Every time I think about eating I get nauseous, and can only ever really choke down a few bites before I'm scouting out the nearest exit and/or bathroom in case I can't hold my food down.

Even with finally feeling nausea, it still hasn't hit me that we're pregnant.  I don't feel pregnant.  It hasn't set in. Part of me thinks there will never be a huge moment of realization and instead I'll just adapt as I have been.  However, we got to hear the heartbeat today at our appointment and it was really neat!  Baby Smith has a strong and healthy heartbeat!  It's absolutely mind-boggling to think that I my body has created the perfect atmosphere for a second being to grow, and even more insane to think I have two hearts beating inside of my body.  The squirt's heart beats faster than mine and is much smaller, but it's definitely present.  That was the definite highlight of my day, and it was very much needed!

We found out that Mitch's truck is not going to pass emissions and it will cost about as much as we paid for it to make it passable - so we have to sell it.  He's devastated, and rightfully so, it's his favorite possession.  It's stressful because it pushes up the timeline we had to get a new family car because his truck wouldn't fit a car seat safely and my Jeep can't fit us, the dogs, and the baby.  Not to mention we're trying to find a good place for a reasonable price to move to where we can bring the baby home and raise the baby for the first eight or so months.  Oh, and we wanted to plan a babymoon but it looks like that might not happen due to financial issues.

Babies are stressful.  Babies are costly.  Being an adult is difficult.

BUT, knowing that we created something like this is amazing and empowering. I can't imagine doing this without Mitch.  He is my rock.  He handles my stresses and emotions better than I ever would have thought possible and he is always willing to cater to my pregnancy cravings/aversions/restrictions in all things.  I would be lost without my amazing husband.

Wedded Bliss

Saturday, March 28th, 2015

Mitch had decided he wanted to have a combined bachelor/bachelorette party to celebrate before our wedding.  I was not terribly excited about it because I had an eight hour shift at work scheduled and being pregnant is exhausting!  Not to mention I can't drink with my friends.  However, I was excited to see all of our friends!  As soon as we arrived I had to use the restroom and Mitch went outside to see all of our friends.  When I came outside, his brother, Nathan, told me I missed a lot and wanted to show me photos on his phone.  I scrolled through them a bit and then came upon one that was a photo of Mitch doing his "blue steel" look while holding a sign saying "Kira, I love you!" and was then told to turn around.  Mitch was down on one knee, with the ring my mom had been saving for my future husband to give to me, and he asked if I would marry him.  I'm pretty sure I said "Are you shitting me?!" at one point but I definitely said yes!  I never in a million years expected him to formally propose, and it was amazing!


Sunday, March 29th, 2015

We had both of our immediate families meet up at our favorite pub to eat and get married.  The food was great, conversation was easy, and everyone seemed thrilled for us.  My sister in law presented me with a headband that said "Bride" and a clip in veil, and the rest of Mitch's family presented him with a tuxedo t-shirt.  It was so relaxed and casual and perfect. I'm so thrilled that not only did I officially marry the man of my dreams and my best friend for almost 7 years, but I get his family, too.  I never in a million years would have pictured my wedding night like that, but now that it's happened I couldn't think of a better way to get married.  However, I would have liked to have something to do at the end of the evening, we ended up being tired and unsure of what we wanted to do and both had work the next day so we spent the evening watching netflix before bed. Oh well, casual was what we were aiming for, right?!  And I still get my white dress and commitment ceremony/reception with ALL of our loved ones.  That will just wait until post-baby.


And although everything happened so fast, it's poetic for us.  We always said we learn best with trial by fire, and always like to just jump right in to things so here we go!

How it all began..

March 5th, 2015

I was eight days late for my period.  I had been tracking my period since I went off of the pill so I could figure out when my natural cycle was in balance again.  I'd wondered in passing what if and could I be? but we had just gotten back from a trip to Seattle the week before.  A trip in which I drove from Seattle to Salt Lake straight, all 15 hours, so I figured that contributed to a thrown off cycle.  I also was feeling undervalued at my work which caused me monumental stress and had finally decided to put in my two week's notice, which I thought also might have contributed.  I kept telling myself that 7 days was reasonable, and I could give my body 7 days to get back in check from everything, but if I hit 8 days then needed to know because something was going on.

After work I bought a dollar store pregnancy test and waited to meet Mitch so I could tell him my thoughts.  It came back positive.  There's such a thing as a false positive, right? We drove to the supermarket and bought a nicer pregnancy test.  You know, the ones that not only tell you "pregnant" or "not pregnant" in writing but they also tell you how far along you might be?  I ran to the supermarket bathroom after buying it and took the test.  "Pregnant" lit up before I could button my pants up, and "2-3 weeks" showed up soon after.

That night was a whirlwind of emotions, but we decided to keep calm until we had confirmation from a doctor.  That confirmation came the next morning.  We told our families that weekend and were met with nothing but support and excitement, and to be honest it was kind of contagious for me.

Fast forward a few weeks and we had digested the fact that we were going to become parents and although we were sad that it meant we had to give up our summer of travelling without jobs, and no longer ending the summer with a semi-spontaneous move to Washington, we were elated.  What a great adventure is in store for us!